sweet serendipity

Bye Summer= Bye Sweet Serendipity

2005-09-02T02:23:00.000-12:00

Well it's not really goodbye to the blogging world for me. Since school starts in a week, I decided to move my blog elsewhere.... http://denise.panalangin.net Summer 2005 for me is bitter-sweet. A lot of things happened to me. And for once, I didn't not stay home for the majority of the season. I feel that it is just right to relocate my blog that holds documentation of my life because, this blog grew with me. I also feel a blow of more responsibilities coming my way. Again, point embodied by maintaining a blog on a domain. So yeah... I will still keep this site up and running although I won't update it anymore. To all those people who want their link up on my new blog... please visit it and tag the tagboard. ...and yes, I decided to bring my old tagboard with me to my new home.

The case of the ex...

2005-08-31T13:58:00.000-12:00

Arrrgghhh!!! The nerve of you to call me! You got some nerve... you you... person! Some people are just plain confusing. Take my ex as a very very good/bad example. I said to my self, I would spare him the shame by not discussing about "our love that was" here on my blog. But I would like to shed some light on this situation so people would see my point. But then again. In a nutshell this what had happened. Boy cheats on girl. Boy gets caught. Girl dumps boy. Girl cries because she loves boy. Boy cries and says he loves girl too. Girl says "fine go dump her." Boy argues he can't because she doesn't want to add to girl no.2's problems. Girl says fine whatever it's over. Boy agrees. Boy calls girl, says he can't get over girl, rants about his bitchy new girlfriend. Call waiting, girl has a phonecall from someone tells boy to call later. Boy asks who it was. Girl says her guy friend's name. Boy gets jealous and grumpy. Why oh why?? I don't freaking understand what's going on that head of his. It's all twisted and abnormal. Why does he bloody thing that he still has a say on what happens in my life? It's over between us. Can't he just accept that fact?

Lack of Creativity

2005-08-30T14:04:00.000-12:00

I am in dire need of creativity tonight. Apparently my creative energy had vanished into thin air. I need a layout of my new site. But I can barely think of a nice one.... OMGoodness...

Yay!

2005-08-29T05:48:00.000-12:00

Today is prolly the most happy day of my web designing life! I got hosted! Yes, a very frustrated web designer like moi has found a new home! I have been hosted by the lovely Erised at her domain. I am so excited to move in. I know moving in will take awhile for me, since I still have to make a new layout for it. Thank God I won't have any work tomorrow, and hence I could use the whole day to do my layout. Speaking of moving in, I have yet to download an FTP software. Tee hee, thank goodness I have some FTP skills =). I gotta go for now, I still have to get ready for work. The truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. -I got this from Amoenisia's site =)

Yippie Hippie =)

2005-08-28T13:43:00.000-12:00

Sorry, I can't think of a much better title. Haha. I am so gay. Anyways, it's been ages since I last blogged (what are you talking about Denise you just blabbered about your sad sad life just three days ago.) and to tell you frankly, you whoever's reading this right now, I quite miss it. Work is tiring and stressing as always, but today is good(ish) because I get to work with adoribable (hahah credit to Bebz for the newly created word) people like Alex M. (babygirl). It's just good(ish) because working in a busy busy place like Timmy's is never a source of enjoyment. That is for normal people like me. It really sucks when you plan to buy something and this time you know you are going to get necessary things (school stuff) and your debit card goes " insufficient funds" on you. No, I haven't spend my paycheque solely on my kikay stuff. And yes I still have money on my account thank you very much. It's just that my money is being held for banking reasons. (Haha! I am so ditzy when it comes to blogging. Oh well it's just you reading this anyway? Not like a certain someone will.) But perhaps he might...I gotta stop mentioning stuff about him because it's getting bloody obvious that I like him. The irony is, this post isn't about him at all. LOL On a totally different note: Check this thing out. I found it while browsing totallee.net Cat: Feb 01-05, Mar 24-31, June 25-30July 27-31, Sept 15-27, Nov 17-30 If you are a Cat: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool, when given a reason to, you are like a Volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends. Is this bloody true?

Purrdy Day

2005-08-25T21:13:00.000-12:00

Yes I know there wasn't a substantial post done yesterday. What can you bloody expect? I slaved myself doing that layout so yes. I think I am excused from blabbering about my life yesterday. Anways, today was a kick ass day. I woke up, didn't eat any breakfast at all and called Zandra. Good thing she didn't go to work today. Plus I didn't have work too. We decided to meet up at Islington Station and chill. It's been awhile since we saw each other considering the fact that we live miles apart. It was an impromptu thing. It was supposed to be this Saturday after my shift but she has something to do that day so we might as well do it today. So yeah, first I dropped by Timmy's to get my paycheque. I thought I was gonna have $300 but due to freaking deductions, it went down to nothing. Literally. (Bloody hell, do you know how many times I typed that sentence? Jeez, my laptop is crazy. Oh it's just prolly my clumsy fingers.) Anways,I boarded the #26 bus that goes to Islington Station. I had to wait for her there for 45 minutes that seemed like forever. While waiting "patiently", I saw some faces that I really don't wanna see. Honestly, their faces makes me fume. Either it's their "ooh I'm so gangsta attitude" or the fact that they are just plain annoying as they are. One of them said, in Tagalog of course, "How come you don't say hi anymore?" I tried to be nice so I said hey, I didn't notice you but then I said to myself: "What for? What bloody reason do I have to mingle with the likes of you?" Anyways, after minutes of waiting for Zandra she arrived! Finally, she saw them too and yeah we just shrugged off the idea of their existence. It's funny how it was my first time today to take the subway despite of the fact that I have been living here for almost four years now. Sure I had been to downtown Toronto before but there's always somebody who'll drive me there. I was such an ignoramus! you can tell because I kept on looking around of course to check out the newly discovered environment. From Islington Station, we got off at Dundas and went to Eaton's Centre. We didn't buy anything at all because wer haven't found anything that we like. After eating lunch at McDee's, we did some strolling and more chitchat. It's funny how we pick out stuff from the racks, try them on and not buy them!!! Especially for me... I always pick up something and ending up not buying them at all! After a tiring walk at Eaton's we headed off to the subway again and went to Yorkdale. There I bought my new bag from H&M, a blazer and a funky necklace both from UB. We met up with her beau and they made hatid me to the subway ulet. This time, I had to take the subway home alone. That's okay though, it didn't bloody worry me at all cuz I already know how. Overall, this is a fun day. Had to chill with my homegirl. It's such a nice way to end my days off. =)

My Kick Ass Layout

2005-08-24T14:34:00.000-12:00

New look! Correction...it's new killer look for you. =) I lover my new layout! I made it myself hence I am so damn proud of it. Enuff said.

Ahh Shopping Bliss...

2005-08-23T15:07:00.000-12:00

Fall is about to start in like *insert number of day here* days. Not to mention school is about to start. But before you click that {x} button on your browser or hit back, I won't talk about how the first of school thrills me. For tonight's blog I shall talk about my favourite sport, that is shopping. New season equals new wardrobe. But since I am not like one of those Hilton heiresses who completely revamp their stash of clothing, I would have to be content with just updating my current wardrobe with must have pieces like:

A pair of warm boots- I am dying to purchase a pair of Muk luks. I have seen the actual boots most celebrities are wearing but it comes with a high end price that' ll sure leave a hole in my pocket. I also saw a pair of an imitation at Transit. It has the details, it is price in the 70-80 dollar range, but I am not so impressed by it. Why? Because it is such a rip off from the original muk luk only it's slimmer plus I doubt if the boot actually warms you feet... cuz the inside hasn't been lined!! Not to worry though, I think I have found my perfect pair of mukluks...I went to R2W yesterday and saw a pair of fur-ish boots that don't look like the mukluks at all, but at least it has the same details such as the pom pom and the fur on the outside but it's still not a rip off of the actual thing. Bloody genius.
A tunic sweater- I saw this white sweater from J.Lo's Sweet face line. Yeah I know it's kind of ironic after burning her in my previous post that I am actually dying to have that white angora sweater. It was really nice though I must say. Then again, it's probably twice the amount I'm earning in a month so I might buy something like it from a lower price range.
A shrug. Move over fifties cardigan, the shrug is taking over.
A black/chocolate brown boho skirt. Yep a skirt on fall. These skirts are those long tieres ones. pair it with a sexy stilleto boot or even cowboy boots...it shall be sooo sexxay.
That long denim skirt from parasuco.
Belts belts and more belts.
A pair of metallic flats from Urban Behaviour
A blazer
More sweaters!!!
Prolly more shoes and bags

Impulsive buys yes indeed. Due to the fact that I will actually be going to university this september... I have another shopping list at hand.

A backpack for my laptop
Notebooks binders and school supplies
Textbooks
A funky school bag
A cellphone.

Yes damnit. I need a cell phone!!!

Mink, Leather and Wool

2005-08-23T06:29:00.000-12:00

Today is the day that I have been waiting for after 4 consecutive days of working. I have done gardening, talked to people and miraculously I am now out of stuff to do. Idleness. So I decided to turn on my laptop and go on MSN. Damn it. No one's online. So I decided to surf the net instead. I stumbled across PETA's website and read how they are trying to protest and boycott J.Lo's new line of clothing due to its excessive use of fur. I understand where they are coming from, because having seen J. Lo's line up for the fall season, there's too much mink,chinchilla and rabbit furs going on. Down right tacky in my opinion. But that is not the whole purpose of their protest. A fur coat for a person requires 100 animals to be skinned alive. Ewww. That for me is wrong... plainly wrong. I made a resolution that I shall never wear any fur in my life even if the time comes that I will be able to afford it. I detest animal cruelty and I can hardly take it in if I see one being skinned to death just to make a coat for me.

Mixtape

2005-08-22T16:23:00.000-12:00

Butch Walker - Mixtape you say hello inside im screaming i love you you say goodnight in my mind, im sleeping next to you you drive away from my car crash of a heart and i dont know cuz you gave me the best mixtape i have even all the bad songs aint so bad i only wish that there was more than that about me and you you talk to him and it burns me like the sun you talk to her and you tell her hes the one i talk to me but you cant hear the pain i feel and you dont know chorus dont turn around and say bye again it crushes my head when you call me a friend and im not the same person from back in the day in the back of the class, that you thought was gay i cant find the words cuz i lost them the minute they fell out my mouth, yeah its love and im in it so give me your lips, and just let me kiss them and lets get messed up and listen to....

This is such a nice song... wala lang. Ewan ko basta naririnig ko tong kantang to, medyo napapa-emote ako. It doesn't necessarily mean that it happened to me. Perhaps it's the pain of unrequited love. It really sucks to fall for someone especially when you know that they won't be there to catch you. Ang saklap nga eh, kasi habang nahuhulog ka palang... masarap yung sensation. You're in mid air.... something that doesn't happen every so often, so you really enjoy that moment-the kilig factor of seeing him walk by you. They way you shiver everytime his elbow touches yours. You are so caught up in a frenzy until you decide to let him know that you have strong feelings for him. Then he shuts the door at you by saying he just wants to be friends with you and that's all the commitment he can give you. There... it happens. You hit it hard on the floor. You are shattered but still you're alive. It sucks because you know that you would have to live and recall that you have been rejected by the very person you adore...

Just my two cents...pero hindi ako bitter...

Denise: Ranting/Raving Extrodinaire

2005-08-22T15:32:00.000-12:00

I have a post from two weeks ago stating that I shall blog about something positive for a change. Due to the fact that I was ranting(?)... I don't even know what category my previous posts fall under, I wasn't able to tell you guys about my bloody social life. Oh well... not that you should know about it anyway.

072005

2005-08-21T13:43:00.000-12:00

Summer days are bloody numbered as we approach the end of the month. Although summer is my favorite season, I can't wait till school starts again. Usually, I feel so iffy this time a year because I have to go back to school with my heavy books. Perhaps the key factor now, is that I am going to university, and my first day in school this year shall mark the opening of a new chapter in my life.Sure the work load will be crazier and heavier not to mention the hours I spend in school daily shall be longer (how about you try having classes from 9 am till 6 pm?) but I know it's for the best and after 4 years of being in probably the most intense hell-hole of my life, I will be up there hopefully climbing the corporate ladder and making a mark for myself. But let's not try to look beyond this point too much. I am fully aware that I am faced with a reality with limited leisure time and more hours of homework and studying...I am not being pessimistic then again, I know for a fact that working my butt off is a must to get me to the place I wanted to be. There you go, yet another inspirational blogging post courtesy of moi. Now onto different agendas: I am having dizzy spells today. I feel like banging my head on the wall due to the unbearble pain. And God only knows why the heck do I even bother updating today. My layout is bloody getting so old. I need to change it...

Bloodirific Posting

2005-08-20T14:24:00.000-12:00

I have no proper title for this. Oh well who cares about catchy titles anyway? It's the content that counts right. It catches your attention,that's all... but what if the actual article is really sucky...what purpose does it serve now? School's about to start in a matter of weeks. I am really excited, nothing pumps me up like meeting new people. It's funny how my peers think I'm such an introvert but believe me, I am very outgoing. I am just picky about those people whom I hang with. But putting my social life aside. I do hope my academic standings will fair better this year than it did in the previous. I really need to focus and take my mind of unnecessary stuff aka my lovelife. I am still trying to redefine my way of thinking regarding certain matters. But don't worry I shall get there on time. =) Blah-bleh-blih-blieh-blah... I wish I could write something deep and touching. It's just that I feel so uninspired-everything about my life right now is so uninspiring. Don't get me wrong I am trying to look at the glass as half full, but my eyes say it's half empty. I don't know if this what you call depression because I still laugh and hang once in a while. Maybe this is just...boredom. Maybe this iess just me being bored with my life. I guess so. These past few days, I worked for four days straight. Yep Timmy's 4.00 pm to 9.30 pm. Got burned numerous times, got to see my manager's face for four days in a row. Had to wear my bleh uniform that stinks and looks like coffee. Then I pictured myself: What if after 10 years I still work at Timmy's? I still take orders from somebody and I still have to make someone else's coffee just to get paid with minimum wage? That inorder to get a good amount on my paycheque, I would have to do hard labour for 12 hours everyday? Don't get me wrong I am thankful that I have a job, but then again I won't keep it for good. I know there's always something better that'll come. It will take time, but I know for sure it won't let me down and my day will soon arrive. I jus.t have to work my butt off so I can reach all my goals and aspirations. And believe me working my butt off doesn't mean brewing more coffee...=) What are my ambitions anyway? I would love to work in an office setting where I am the boss, then I would live in my own loft in either Milan, Madrid or New York. Drive my own Black Dodge Viper and be uber rich! Yes I said it. Ambitious? Yes indeedy. That is where I wanna be, prolly 7 years from now. I want to be one of them Yuppies I usually see ordering a medium double-double at Timmy's. Only in my case it would be a mint-mocha frappuccino from Starbucks!! xD Unlike other people, I don't really think about my future life if I have decided to settle down. Sure it has crossed my mind one time or another, then again.. .my ambition is what fuels me to strive harder.

So this is how it feels like?

2005-08-19T15:11:00.000-12:00

I haven't blogged in the longest time. For the past 3 days I have been working. Geez. I know I am so nice. People know that I hardly like working at Timmy's but hey, I have no choice. This girl needs money to support her vanity syndrome. It's not like she wanted to be so vain. She just can't help it. LMAO! On a different note. So this is how it bloody feels like...not having someone to hug you or to call you. It's not that I still think about my ex that way but it's just that I guess I miss having to call someone your own.I miss having a boyfriend. You might think that I am missing it for the wrong reasons but you know...nakakamiss lang talaga na alam mong may special someone ka na nagmamahal sa yo. Hayy naku, makapag-survey na nga lang... 1.one word to describe urself right now? Tired 2. two words you want to say to your crush? Like kita...(sana like mo rin ako.) 3. name 5 of your closest friends? hmmm... c zandra, anthony, alexa, caroline, jenna,anna 4. what's your favorite number? 13 5. what was the first thing you did after waking up? opened my eyes and said good morning starshine =) 6. last number of your cel number? muhahaha... 123i0nno 7.who was the first person that came to your mind as you woke up this morning? siya... *sigh* (sana iniisip mo rin ako) 8. who was the last person to make you feel kilig? siya, kanina lang... *sigh* 9. what song is on your mind right now? like you-ciara and bowow 10. what was the last thing you wrote on a straight line? my name 11. who do you want to call on your cellphone? i don't have a cell phone but if ever I do...alam mo na ang sagot. 12. what's your favorite time of day? night 13. what color/s do you like?! pink, blue, yellow and green...so bloody primary =) 14. last song that you sang: MYMP: Kailan 16. have you ever been to Laguna? Yep, been there once =) 17. what was the last song that you danced to? Like You 18. favorite song: I love listening to music...but I hardly have any favourites...well except for Somewhere in Time I guess 19. why did you answer this survey? Take my mind off something... but it ain't bloody working =) 20. where are you right now? In my room 21. last person you e-mailed. Ate Evita 22. have you worn/are you wearing braces? yep. 23. how often do you buy load? Used to buy load every 15 days... 24. who's the last person in your phonebook? Alex M. 25. if you were given a chance to visit another country/state what would it be? Italy, or Spain 26. name the person that you want to fall for you at this moment? I hope siya. *sigh* 27. Pressured on having a relationship? Medyo.. pero keri naman ang single life eh =) 28. Write a msg to the one who made this survey: make another one =D ahahahahahha i kid i kid

Arrrgh!

2005-08-18T00:15:00.000-12:00

Got home from work around 10 pm. I am so freakin tired and not to mention so pissed off. This is one of those days that I wished I only had my animal instincts so that I could unleash my violent rage on those people and things that are making my day an unpleasant one. It all started when my dad had one of his fits again and decided to bang on my door so damn early in the morning just to wake me up. Yes it was 10 am. But what the heck, I was up all night due to another attack of my insomnia-ness (new word!) and I just dozed off around 2 in the morning. Goodness! The next unfortunate event happened when I decided that I am going to buy these T-strap shoes from Transit for 20 bucks. I was going to pay for it in debit but the sales associate did some boo-boos causing the machine to experience some technical difficulty. Arrgghhh!! So I rushed to the nearest bank machine to withdraw cash from my account. To my surprise, my request was denied!!! Why oh why? I know I still have 70+ bucks in there. But why, how come...? So I had to go to CIBC and do an account balance. It says there that I can no longer withdraw money for today, because the remaining amount out of my daily limit can't support it. What the hell?!?! That was the first time I used my card for the day and I can't withdraw any more cash?!? OMFG... I am so freaking out. Is somebody using my account without me knowing about it?!? The moment I left CIBC, the time was 4.20 pm. Great. At least I have 5 minutes to reach the food court and 5 minutes to change in to my embarrassing uniform. I'm still not late. As soon as I got there... my co-worker was all like: "Denise, aren't you supposed to start at 4.00?" I insisted that my shift starts at 4.30 but she said that she was there when Andrea called me to ask if I could cover her shift for Wednesday. I checked the schedule board and...SHIT!!! She's freaking right. And fucker, I am 25 minutes late, and I didn't even know it. Work was even worse. I had to take cash, do everything myself on the account that I don't have a runner for the first hour and a half of my shift. So tiring. So exhausting. And as soon as I got home, my mom kept on nagging me that I should take Saturday off since I am already working on weekdays. I tried to get someone to take over my shift but to no avail everyone has either already made plans for that day or has already been listed to work for Saturday to. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to work for that day. Nevertheless, my efforts of explaining the facts to my dearest mother were all wasted due to her nature of being so headstrong and stubborn. She keeps on nagging me to get that fucking day off, so we can " spend time as a family." God I wish she would stop being such a pathetico... she knows I hate those stuff. I have nothing against families and quality time, but if you are in my family I know for sure that you will understand why. So yeah, she has been complaining for the last two hours since I showed up on our doorway, that it's unfair because I cover people's shifts for them and I couldn't ask for that same favour for them... I see her point, but then again I can't do anything if they won't be able to do the same thing for me on that day because they have other plans or they are already working on the weekends too like me. OMG... whatever happened to " Hi anak, kumain ka na ba?" So there... I am so pissed off at her. My mom is the worst/best nagging nagger of all. She hates being reprimanded so she always thinks of a bloody comeback. She knows my manager pretty well (but that ain't the reason why I got my job in the first place mind you), so she's like..." Oh, I'll call your manager so she can take you off on that Saturday." OMG. It is very ironic because my parents detests special treatments and mother is succumbing me to one!!! I don't like being given that because people might suspects things are up... and when there are suspicions... there comes rumours. It's a good thing that I kinda swayed heroff from calling my manager. Still I am pissed off because I feel like everyone is against me on this. Fucking family time, I truly don't need this. Family for me is the most boring most superficial thing ever... well to my family that is, because I can never relax when I am with, in fact I feel more stressed out. It has always been like that. I feel lost and bahhh.... Back to my mother's nagging... it was worsened by my "ugghhh" father who said sarcastically, "then let's not bring her, she has work anyway!" I am bloody 18 years old and my parents still gives me guilt trips... why oh why? This post is not the juicy blogworthy thing I was talking about in the previous post. It' s just that I am sooo pissed and angry right now that I need an outlet to channel my frustration. This where my blog comes in. Thank God for blogs. As Martha Stewart always says, " It's a good thing." There... all better. =)

Tee Hee

2005-08-17T12:29:00.000-12:00

I need to work today!!!

-but I don't want to...

Oh well... I gotta pay some bills.

I' ll have some juicy blogworthy stuff to err...blog about later.

Currently Listening: Esthero-We R in Need of a Musical Revolution

Hafta: Buy stuff for school =)

Au revoir Summer

2005-08-17T00:38:00.000-12:00

This year's summer season might be the most eventful summer yet. Alot of stuff happened to my life withing the span of 3 months (and counting?). I have rekindled friendships with people. Met new friends and got a job. I learned how to deal with rejection and I have proven the saying "when God closes a door he opens a window of opportunity" is true. Summer 2005 has its moments of sadness too. But I dare not talk about them anyomore because God knows I already spent umpteen blog posts discussing the pains of unrequited love. I feel like a new person. Now that autumn is only a month away. I have gained a fresher perspective in life that' ll truly help me open my new chapter in life with a bang. =)

This post is dedicated to you...

2005-08-15T23:25:00.000-12:00

...my friend. I know you don't read my blog anyway, so that gives me reason to pour my heart out regarding what I feel about you. I am sorry if you will find this post surprising... (then again you know nothing about my blog's existence so what are the chances that this might reach you?) nevertheless, this is my blog and I could write what I want. You know we' ve known each other for years now. We practically grew up together. You proclaim that you know me inside and out to the extent that you can actually guess what's on my mind right at that very moment. I appear to be very transparent in front of you. But sadly, I don't think I could say the same thing about you. Although we have witnessed each other changing into the people we are now. For me, you are still as unpredictable as... I don't think nothing could be as unpredictable as you are. It sucks because you always tell me that we are bestfriends. Dearie bestfriends are supposed to know each other. They're supposed to finish each other's sentences. They shouldn't leave each other hanging. But you left me hanging. You told me you love me right at the moment that I was so vulnerable. You said you would never do anything to hurt me. But why do I feel pain? After you said I love you. How come it just ended there? How come I have never heard from you again? Perhaps, this thing, whatever it is... was never meant to be...because you never wanted it. You said I love you... not because you do in that way. You did it just to see how it feels what's like to be in those cheesy soap operas about bestfriends-turned-lovers. It was never meant to be, because you never wanted it. But what sucks the most is that when you've realized that and I decided I wanted it because I was actually falling for you. It hit me like a bullet, that I wanted us to become more than bestfriends-that I wanted to risk everything just to see if it will work for the two of us. You said I love you...perhaps to please those people who were rooting for us. You did it to please our spectators. You said you love me... but you never meant it. I guess this is the end of that love that wasn't meant to be at all... Oh well...

How do I say I love you...

2005-08-13T15:26:00.000-12:00

How you really say "I love you." by lenatheraven
Name
...believe in true love?
Your hands say	I'm always here even if you have to reach for me.
Your eyes say	I can't dream anyone more beautiful.
Your hugs say	This is where you are meant to be.
Your kisses say	You mean the world to me.
Your body says	I just want to hold you.
Your heart says	Ik houd van u.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Ang sarap kong magmahal noh?? Bwahaha!!!!

My 70 dollar stupidity

2005-08-13T14:55:00.000-12:00

Hindi ko na alam kung merong pang mas tatanga pa sa akin. Haay, ang tanga-tanga ko talaga... This is what happened. Today is Saturday. As usual I gotta get to work (you know Timmy's?). Being the overly girly person that I am, I don't usually wear running shoes on my way to work, so instead, I bring it with me and change my shoes there before my shift starts. Hindi naman sa pagbubuhat ng sariling bangko, eh hanep sa haba ng hair ng lola mo ako kanina. I was wearing a pink cardigan, a black tank top and a white linen skirt with my pink espadrilles not to mention my bag actually matched my shoes too! Chakafez, ang ganda ng lola mo talaga. Nevertheless, despite the aesthetically appealing get-up... the person was lacking either common sense or presence of mind. So there I was patiently waiting for the bus, I was sitting there for 15 fricken minutes. Bored. Ladida, may pa-toss-toss pa ako ng hair. But I never thought of checking the stuff that I should bring to work, aka my uniform and most importantly my work shoes. After a long 15-minute wait, the bus came. As soon as I boarded the bus, I decided to check on my pair of running shoes that was inside the shopping bag I was holding. To my shock I only brought one shoe and left the other one at home. OMFG. I can't get off the bus now, it would be utterly impossible to be on time (and believe me I hafta be one time because our manager gives us shit for tardiness.) I am a big hater of cellphones because they are fricken pricey to maintain, hence I don't have one. not to mention vatti wasn't home so he can't make hatid the other pair of my shoes... (I am being konyo-ish na =P). Not to mention walang rin lang naman akong paghihiraman ng sapatos doon kasi inuwi na nila lahat ng spare running shoes nila (manager's order). Kaya ayun napasubo ang lola mo. Thank God I just got paid yesterday at buti na lang on sale and Athlete's World ngayon. There at that very moment, I bought a pair of running shoes for 70 bucks including taxes. Imbes naman na bumili ako ng shoes for less than the price na ayoko ring gamitin di ba? Haay... naku.. ang katangahan ko nga naman. Sana tumawag naman na yung dapat tumawag. Nabubulok na ko sa kakahintay eh.

I'm Okay...I promise

2005-08-12T10:56:00.000-12:00

Recovery Progress: Getting There. Happy? Yes There. I finally got to see your girfriend's page! Tee hee. *Giggles*. I never realized this but having to loose you isn't such a big loss for me after all. Ang pangit mo kasi eh. Just kidding. Seriously, I have time to do stuff that you would us e to prohibit. Para kasing kung minsan, mas matinik ka pa sa tatay ko. For the first time in my life, I can breathe with ease, knowing that I can do anything I want without thinking that I may disappoint you or something. Although this freedom has its price to pay, that is our " love" that wasn't meant to be. But I think I shall look at it from the brighter point of view from now on. In other words, BEING SINGLE ROCKS!!! After being in a relationship for three years, I have forgotten how it is to be single. *According to Alex M. (Babygirl). So for now, if ever someone comes my way, I shall flirt with all my might... Bwahahaha!!! Kidding aside, if somebody comes my way, perhaps the best way to heart is to befriend me first. Afterall the best relationships start with friendship right? So for you, I won't be bitter anymore. Halata namang masaya ka sa piling niya eh. Okay na sa kin yun. PS.... My laptop's better than hers!!! Just kidding... It's 10.54 AM and my grandmere is calling me to have lunch.... OMG I just ate breakfast 30 minutes ago...

Pretty in Pink

2005-08-11T21:28:00.000-12:00

Muhhhaha... I have a new layout. It's simple... and it's pink and blue. What more could I ask for?? Prolly... ...

BRB

2005-08-11T07:17:00.000-12:00

My blog's most anticipated makeover has been long over due. Bahhh. Me so lazy. I need to get a jumpstart and get this thing over with. Bah... I hate coding =(

I feel..so

2005-08-11T00:00:00.000-12:00

I feel to emo-ish today. Listening to Babyface really makes me feel miserable about my ever twisting and unstable love life. Everytime I close my eyes I thank the Lord that I got you, and you got me too... Sigh I miss having to call someone, boo or honey. I miss having to kiss somebody other than my family. I miss being hugged. I wish I could have all these things again but surprisingly, I don't miss you. ~~I long for you.~~ ~~I yearn for you.~~ Dear Lord, I feel like throwing a pity party for myself again. I know I shouldn't feel vulnerable as this is just a part of growing up-a phase that everyone goes through one time, But I couldn't stop the feeling of regret that burns deep inside of me. I ask you dear Lord to please guide me. I know that you are always there for people even if we don't seek your help. Pero ngayon, kailangang-kailangan ko Kayo. Hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman na mangulila sa kanya, sapagkat kahit na alam kong kasalanan niya ang mga pangyayaring ito, hindi rin ako naghuhugas kamay sa mga nagawa ko sa kanya. Grant me peace of mind, and the courage to forgive him and myself. Help me look forward to the day that I shall feel no more pain that I really yearn for. Alam kong hindi na siya babalik sa akin. No not just yet, but I hope, I will be able to smile at him once our paths crossed again. Sana hindi ko maalala ang madilim na yugto ng buhay ko. O kung hindi naman kaya, maalala ko lang sana ito, dala ng kasiyahan. This is the anguish in my heart Lord. Bahala na po kayo sa akin. Amen. I am not that religious but I still pray, and to tell you frankly dear reader, prayers for me are like diary entries, only instead of saying " dear diary" for every salutation, I say " dear Lord". He is my confidante. He listens to you and cares about nothing else other than the fact that he wants to comfort you. He patiently listens to your ramblings, hindi siya umiimik, pero alam mong narinig niya lahat ng sinabi mo sa kanya, because He works to make eveything better. And here's the part where I give out a sigh of relief.

I have no title for now

2005-08-10T14:47:00.000-12:00

Yeah... Evil resides in the idle mind. Bahh... I have nothing to write about. Blah...

Hiccups

2005-08-10T10:49:00.000-12:00

*Hiccups* I hate having the hiccups. *Hiccups* Make *hiccups* it *hiccups* stop *hiccups*. What is there to blog about? I have to go with my grandmama today to some old relative's house. I wish I could escape this... I hate visiting relatives especially when they don't really know me at all! Hmmmm....How I wish I was that cold hearted girl from Great Expectations. It sucks to know that you can be hurt without using any brutal force. It sucks to know that what you have done, is still hurting me now. Having emotions is a human thing. In that case I hate to be human. Sigh...

Somebody please save me

2005-08-09T21:53:00.000-12:00

Currently: Talking to: Alex and Bojana Listening to: Destiny's Child- Cater 2 U Wearing: A pink tee and purple shorts Eating:none Feeling: Bored Baahhh....boredom dulls your senses. Help me....

My Grandmere's Here...

2005-08-09T00:30:00.000-12:00

...and I couldn't be happier =)

2005-08-07T14:28:00.000-12:00

Work is hectic and busy as usual... I went shopping yesterday. Well I had to take my mind off that crap that I'm going through... it's crap cuz it makes me feel iffy and icky everytime it crosses my mind. I spent a good 80 dollars on two tees from Boathouse, a pair of jeans from Urban Behaviour and a sweater from Jacob. My dad is asking me to pay for the application software installation,bahhh.... Perhaps next payday daddy, your daughter is already penniless due to her impulsive spending sprees.... Speaking of paydays, I was given a raise... finally.Then again my evaluation grade was a decent 78%... at least it wasn't a failure... Steve Madden and FCUK will be opineng stores in Square One... I am soo excited!!! Lalala... what else to blog about...

Finally!!

2005-08-05T21:00:00.000-12:00

After a week of being such a useless gadget, my laptop has been finally hooked up to the internet!!! muhahah... So so good!! Apart from that...nothing else is blog-worthy to write.

2005-08-05T02:10:00.000-12:00

Sigh.... this is sooo soo true.

Blogging=Drama

2005-08-04T17:00:00.000-12:00

Sigh.... I am bored. I am closing a chapter of my life, with a very unfortunate sad ending...It sucks to be crashed and burned. It 's sad to face rejection twice. Then again I have to move on with my life... I have to embark on this journey called life without you. There's still the sting of the lost love but I know I will survive. I know that one day I will wake up to the pretty sunshine feeling no more pain. Hey, please don't cry for me and don't ask me to take you back. I know there's still something inside of me left for you. But I know that I just can't be in that relationship knowing that I will remember what you have done to me for the rest of my counted days. I just couldn't love you right now and please don't force me to. If you do I would just take you back out of pity and hence the love won't be genuine.

Crash and Burn

2005-08-03T14:02:00.000-12:00

I have been crashed and burned... it hurts... Perhaps the next in line will remember this: Natasha Bedingfield: I Bruise Easily My skin is like a map Of where my heart has been And I cant hide the marks Its not a negative thing So I let down my guard Drop my defences down by my clothes I'm learning to fall With no safety net to cushion the blow I bruise easily So be gentle when u handle me Theres a mark you leave Like a love heart carved on a tree I bruise easily Cant stratch the surface Without moving me underneath I bruise easily I bruise easily I found you fingerprints On a glass of wine Do you know you're leaving them All over this heart of mine too But if I never take this leap of faith I'll never know So im learning to fall With no safety net to cushion the blow [Chorus] Anyone wo can touch you Can hurt you or heal u Anyone who can reach you Can love you or leave u So be gentle... [Chorus] I bruise easily I bruise easily

new layout coming up soon =)

2005-08-02T16:08:00.000-12:00

this is getting old... my blog needs a new make over... that's why i am giving it a new layout... *brb*

First Day of 18-ness

2005-08-01T06:45:00.000-12:00

...got dragged to the land of endless bickering.

Birthday...

2005-07-30T21:36:00.000-12:00

My new watch has arrived!!! Hurrah! After a long week of waiting for it... it's here! It's finally here. It's purtty, and it's on my wrist. Anyhoo, this is my last day to be 17. Not too shabby. My dad just bought me my laptop. I lurve it. I will treat as my only treasure (which it really is) and I am gonna love it forever. I am so exhausted. I just worked a double shift today. Imagine working, moving non-stop for 10 friggin hours? I think you will agree with me that that was just plain torture and anyone who conforms to being treated this way is just plain weird... or perhaps a martyr. Greetings are already pouring in: Thanks to: Lelaine, Bernice, Gezchy, and Ate Evita and Pink-star who greeted moi in advance. It's supposed to be badluck in Russian culture to greet a person before their birthday. But heck we're not Russian so I guess I am not affected? I wish... I am 18. Half happy, half *sigh*... Then again it's a milestone. I won't be throwing a party because...I don't know. I am anti-social? That couldn't be, it's against the grain of being a leo. It's just that I dunno, debuts for me are somehow.... gasgas. Besides, we just don't have the funding for it. It's better not to throw one because we can't afford it than have a party that will be ridiculed for its mediocrity. Well this is just my two cents. Putting this birthday thing aside, Today was payday. And for the first time, I have more than 200 hundred in my account! Hurrah I saved 70 bucks from last payday! Nevertheless it shall be gone in a jiffy on the account that I have to bu stuff for my new baby. An internet(?) card, a wireless router plus the new Sims 2 shall be purchased ASAP for my new Laptoppie. Not to mention, those sexy pair of shoes from Aldo. Oh well. I shall forever be a shopaholic and I won't do anything about it rather, I will accept it willingly.

Exhausted

2005-07-29T15:00:00.000-12:00

Currently: Wearing: a Blue Tank top my mum bought for me in the Sear's Kid's department, LOL plus jeans and my Cross necklace Listening: Natasha Bedingfield's These Words I am tired. I am full. Thanks Lelaine for the lunch. Hung out with the girls today. Fun fun fun. Everyone was all giggly.

Morning...

2005-07-29T00:33:00.000-12:00

Good Morning Starshine!!! Bwahaha... I just love that line. I just got the best news last night. Or I guess at midnight... MY LOLA IS COMING FOR SURE FOR SURE!!! That's the best 18th birthday gift I could have. Unfortunately, she will be a week late. She won't be able to make it before my birthday. But that's okay... I'm still happy...

Nitwit-ism...

2005-07-28T14:52:00.000-12:00

Ah yes, more pointless blogging for me. I tried to shun the PC for a day, but now, its magnetic field is attracting me that I just can't resist it's forces. Bahh, I might as well give up on Internet abstinence and instead accept my ultimate fate as a net-whore. Anywayz, I am going to my future campus tomorrow with Mikki. I have no business what so ever to go. But since I'm nice and all... heheh... just kidding Mikki! Hmmm...what else to rant/rave about?!? What is taking my new watch so long? Mumsie bought it for me a week ago, but since they don't have the exact model that I wanted, they have to order it (see how special I am?) and they promised that it'll be here in a week's time. Merde... where is it? Im turning 18 in 3 days... I feel old. See I am experiencing back pains already. Bahh... I guess it's just PMS. The yellow and Pink-ness of my blog is getting old too. Need a new layout... I'm bored. I'm old. I'm pissed. I'm laughing. =I have a mental illness.

the woman behind all the craziness.

2005-07-28T12:14:00.000-12:00

Yep,I'm posting my pic for the first time =)

Ugghhh

2005-07-27T13:43:00.000-12:00

~~Good morning, starshine!~~ F*ck you, why won't you just rot in hell? And for the bitch: DIE FUCKING BITCH DIE and BRING MY JACK*SS EX WITH YOU!!!! Glad to get that out of my system... It's freaking poisoning me. Where is my new Guess Watch? Currently Listening: Hot Hot Heat- Middle of Nowhere

Morning Routine...

2005-07-27T10:25:00.000-12:00

...Just blogging...

Lalala

2005-07-26T08:01:00.000-12:00

I have a song named after me. I just realized that today. The song came out in the early(?) sixties and it's by Randy and the Rainbows XD.

Dirty Little Secrets

2005-07-26T03:10:00.000-12:00

Currently Watching: The All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret As of today, this is my favourite video. I did some research regarding their inspiration behind the video and I learned that they got the idea from http://postsecret.blogspot.com/. This is basically a site where people can mail in post cards containing their well kept dirty little secrets. It's anonymous so yeah everyone can mail in theirs whenever they are ready. But I don't think I will ever be ready to do that. I have tonnes of secrets up my sleeve. If there's one thing I hate it's humiliation and vulnerability. And yes I am a very proud person. I can't stand disappointing people. I know we are all human and it's natural. But heck if you were taught since you were a kid to be nothing short of spectacular it would kill you to think that you did something wrong to disappoint all those people around you. Sometimes... I feel like I am contradicting my own self.

Ladida

2005-07-25T04:12:00.000-12:00

I just feel like blogging. Period. Which reminds me... I am about to have one... not that you wanna know about it. I bought two books yesterday: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, and Away Laughing on a Fast Camel by Louise Rennison. Those two books should keep me away from my pc for awhile. These books were the first books I have ever purchased on my own since... forever. =) Angels and Demons is proving to be a very good Mystery novel. That's good because I don't read that much mystery-type stories. Birthday's coming up. I getting old. Old. Old. Old. But you're older than me. (Here's where YOU come in You older person!!! *evil laugh*) Fingers crossed, my lola (not used to calling her lola. cuz I call her Mamang) will be here for my birthday. That's more than enough for me. bahhh....

Randomness: Minsan May Isang Puta

2005-07-23T15:44:00.000-12:00

Got this article while surfing. You: if ever you're reading this and you need translation... just ask me. Minsan May Isang PutaWritten By Mike Portes-Borromeo Tingin ng mga bobong kapitbahay ko puta daw ako. Nagpapagamit, binabayaran. Sabi nila ako daw ang pinakamaganda at pinakasikat sa aming lugar noon. Ang bango-bango ko daw, sariwa at makinis. Di ko nga alam kung sumpa ito, dahil dito naletse ang kinabukasan ko. Tara makinig ka muna sa kwento ko, yosi muna tayo. Alam mo, maraming lumapit sa akin, nagkagusto, naakit. Ang hirap pag lahat sa iyo virgin eh. Tinanggap ko naman silang tao, bakit kaya nila ako ginago? Masakit alalahanin, iniisip ko na lang na kase di sila taga rito, siguro talagang ganoon. Tatlong malilibog na foreigners ang namyesta sa katawan ko, na-rape daw ako. Sa tatlong beses akong nagahasa, ang pinakahuli ang di ko makakalimutan. Parang maski di ko ginusto ang mga nangyari, hinahanap-hanap ko siya. Tinulungan nya kasi akong makalimutan yung mga sadistang Hapon at Coño. Kase, ibang-iba ang hagod niya. Umiikot ang mundo ko sa tuwing ginagamit niya ako. Ibang klase siya mag-sorry, lalo pa at kinupkop niya ako at ang mga naging anak ko. Parating ang dami naming regalo - may chocolates, yosi, ano ka! May datung pa! Nakakabaliw siya, alam kong ginagamit nya lang ako pero pagamit naman ako nang pagamit. Sa kanya namin natutunan mag-inggles, di lang magsulat ha! Magbasa pa! Hanggang ngayon, sa tuwing mabigat ang problema ko, siya ang tinatakbuhan ko. 'Yun nga lang, lahat ng bagay may kapalit. Nung kinasama ko siya, guminhawa buhay namin. Sosyal na sosyal kami. Ewan ko nga ba, akala ko napapamahal na ako sa kanya. Akala ko tuloy-tuloy na kaligayahan namin, yun pala unti-unti niya akong pinapatay. P*** ng I**! Sa dami ng lason na sinaksak niya sa katawan ko, muntik na akong malaspag. Ang daming nagsabi na ang tanga tanga ko. Patalsikin ko na daw. Sa tulong ng mga anak ko, napalayas ko ang animal pero ang hirap magsimula. Masyado na kaming nasanay sa sarap ng buhay na naranasan namin sa kanya. Lubog na lubog pa kami sa utang, kulang ata pati kaluluwa namin para ibayad sa mga inutang namin. Sinikap naming lahat maging maganda ang buhay namin. Ayun, mga nasa Japan, Hong Kong, Saudi ang mga anak ko. Yung iba nag-US, Europe. 'Yung iba ayaw umalis sa akin. Halos lahat, wala naman silbi, masaya daw sa piling ko, maski amoy usok ako. Sa dami ng mga anak ko na nagsisikap na tulungan ang kalagayan namin, siya din ang dami ng mga anak ko na namamantala sa kabuhayan at kayaman na itinatabi ko para sa punyetang kinabukasan naming lahat. Dumating ang panahon na di na kami halos makaahon sa hirap ng buhay. Napakahirap dahil nasanay na kami sa ginhawa at sarap. Ang di ko inaakala ay mismong mga anak ko, ang tuluyang sisira sa akin. Napakasakit tanggapin na malinlang. Akala ko ay makakakita ako ng magiging kasama sa buhay sa mga ahas na ipinakilala ng mga anak ko Hindi pala. Ang tanga ko talaga. Binugaw ako ng sarili kong mga anak kapalit ng kwarta at pansamantalang ginhawa na nais nilang matamasa. Wala na akong nagawa dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa aking mga anak. Wala akong ibang yaman kundi ganda ko. Pinagamit ko na lang ng pinagamit ang sarili ko, basta maginhawa lang ang mga anak ko. Usap-usapan ako ng mga kapitbahay ko. May nanghihinayang, namumuhi at naaawa. Puta na kase ang isang magandang tulad ko. Alam mo, gusto ko na sanang tumigil sa pagpuputa kaso ang laki talaga ng letseng utang ko eh. Palaki pa ng palaki. Kulang na kulang. Paano na lang ang mga anak ko naiwan sa aking punyetang puder? Baka di na ako balikan o bisitahin ng mga nag-abroad kong mga anak. Hindi na importante kung laspagin man ang ganda ko, madama ko lang ang pagmamahal ng mga anak ko. Malaman nila na gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanila. Sa tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, alam ko maganda pa rin ako. Meron pa din ang bilib sa akin. Napapag usapan pa din. Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mukha ko sa salamin, nakikita ko ang mga anak ko. Tutulo na lang ang mga luha ko ng di ko namamalayan. Ang gagaling nga ng mga anak ko, namamayagpag kahit saan sila pumunta. Mahusay sa kahit anong gawin. Tama man o mali. Proud ako sa kanila. Kaso sila, kabaligtaran ang nararamdaman para sa akin. Sa dami ng mga anak ko, iilan lang ang may malasakit sa akin. May malasakit man, nahihilaw. Ni di nga ako kinikilalang ina. Halos lahat sila galit sa isa't isa. Walang gusto magtulungan, naghihilahan pa. Ang dami ko ng pasakit na tiniis pero walang sasakit pa nung sarili kong mga anak ang nagbugaw sa akin. Kinapital ang laspag na ganda ko. Masyado silang nasanay sa sarap ng buhay. Minsan sa pagtingin ko sa salamin, ni hindi ko na nga kilala sarili ko. Dadating na naman ang pasko, sana maalala naman ako ng mga anak ko. Isang buwan pa, magbabagong taon na. Natatakot ako sa taong darating. Ngayon pa lang usap usapan na ang susunod na pagbubugaw ng ilan sa mga anak ko. Sana may magtanggol naman sa akin, ipaglaban naman nila ako. Gusto kong isigaw: "INA NINYO AKO! MAHALIN NYO NAMAN AKO!" Sige, dumadrama na ako. Masisira na ang make up ko nito eh. Salamat ha, pinakinggan mo ako. Ay sorry, di ko nasabi pangalan ko. Pilipinas nga pala

Almost Addicted to Photoshop

2005-07-22T23:35:00.000-12:00

So yeah, I have given my virtual home a make over and I am damn proud of it. It's funny how I have come up with a pretty decent layout this time considering all my past attempts were very sucky. But I couldn't have done it without those tutorials scattered on the web. So to those people who decided to write them for the creatively-challenged like me, thank you. You guys have made my life easier. And to Bojana who suggested to change my font colour to pink. Thank you. LOL. My site isn't done yet. I have to finish my link exchange plus I have to find a cool counter. Oh yeah hafta make me a link button =) Someone please take me away from the PC now. Babad na babad na ako dito =) By the way... Blogger sucks for not having smilies. Bah. I'll try to install them on my own... "My site is finally done" - I lied. I effing lied.

Photoshop Bonding =)

2005-07-22T16:47:00.000-12:00

My first icon... it's not that good. But it's a start. Oh yeah. I've finished my site.I am loving the new layout...

The Calm after the Storm

2005-07-22T05:05:00.000-12:00

No More Drama. But that's not the reason why I decided to blog today. I will be giving my journal a major makeover. My current layout is getting old. Since it is almost (whoa no connection really, just a shameless plug LOL) my birthday and all. I might as well do a lil tweaking here and there. I am so proud of the layout because the graphics are all made by me =) But the coding is another story. I don't have a website for how many months now. So I am a bit rusty, who knows long will this thing take me to finish? Oh well... that's all for now. Expect a new sweet-serendipity when I get back =)

do i want you back?

2005-07-20T02:30:00.000-12:00

Natulog ako kagabing ikaw ang huling taong nasa isip ko. Halos magiba yung kama sa kakabaliktad ko. Pilit kong binubura ang iyong mukha sa aking isipan sapagkat naalala ko ang mga araw na hinalikan ko ang labi mo at hinagkan mo ang na tila ako na yata ang kaisa-isang babae sa mundo. Ang saklap isipin na matapos ang tatlong taong pinagsamahan nating dalawa ay mauuwi lamang sa ganito. Ang sakit isipin na sa paggising sa bawat umagang darating ay maalala kong wala na tayong dalawa, na ang lahat ng mga plinano nating kinabukasan ay mapupunta lang sa iba. Madalang kitang mapanaginipan tuwing nahimhimbing ako ngunit kagabi, sa buong gabing nakatulog ako ay tanging tungkol sa yo ang larawang ipinipinta ng isipan ko. At sa bawat larawang iyon ay nakikita ko ang sarili kong kalungkutan. Nais kong iabot ang kamay ko sa yo pero ayaw mong abutin. Alam nating dalawa ang pagkakamali ng isa't isa. Ngunit hindi ko pa ring maiwasang maluha sa bawat oras na maalala kong wala na tayong dalawa.Aamining kong mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Iyan ang natuklasan ko kagabi, ngunit dala ng pride ko noong ginawa mo yun, hindi ko yata makakayang manatili sa relasyong ito na wala na akong tiwala sa yo, sapagkat pandaraya lamang yun sa tingin ko. Nasugatan ang puso nating dalawa sapagkat bigla-biglang naglaho ang isang bagay na nakasanayang nating nandyan kahit na gaano kalakas na halusnos ng hangin, kahit gaano kabagsik ang kulog at kidlat at kahit gaano kalakas bumuhos ang ulan. Hayaan nating hilumin ng panahon ang mga sugat na ito. ang kung dumating araw na magkita tayong dalawa, makakayanan nating ngitian ang isa't isa... Alam kong isa sa mga paborito mong kanta ang awit na ilalathala ko dito, pero di ko in-expect na tungkol pala sa ating dalawa ito... Before I Let You Go I can still remember yesterday We were so in love in a special way And knowing that you loved me Made me feel oh so right But now I feel lost, don't know what to do Each and every day I think of you Holdin' back the tears, I'm trying with all my might Because you've gone and left me standing All alone And I know I've got to face tomorrow On my own... Before I let you go I want to say I love you I hope that you're list'nin' 'Coz it's true, baby You'll be forever in my heart And I know that no one else will do So before I let you go I want to say it...I love you I wish that It could be just like before I know I coul've given you so much more Even though you know I'd given you all my love I miss your smile, I miss your kiss Each and every day I reminisce 'Coz baby it's you That i'm always dreaming of... Because you've gone and left me standing All alone And I know I've got to face tomorrow On my own... Before I let you go I want to say I love you I hope that you're list'nin' 'Coz it's true, baby You'll be forever in my heart And I know that no one else will do So before I let you go I want to say it...I love you Letting love go Is never easy But I love you so That's why I set you free I know someday Somehow, I'll find a way To leave it all behind me 'Guess it wasn't meant to be But baby... Before I let you go I want to say I love you I hope that you're list'nin' 'Coz it's true, baby You'll be forever in my heart And I know that no one else will do So before I let you go I want to say it...I love you I am still in love with you...

sleep...

2005-07-19T15:33:00.000-12:00

I need sleep. But damn I just couldn't. I hate closing my eyes because all I see is him... *sigh* It hurts... it still fucking hurts... I wish the ground will tremble and open and swallow me... I hate this feeling.

pampa-gaan ng loob

2005-07-19T03:49:00.000-12:00

three names you go by: 1. denise 2. marion 3. banjang =) three screen names you have had: 1. isyss 2.flip_n_freaky (don't ask!!) 3. sweet_ishee87 three physical things you like about yourself: 1. shoulders 2. arms 3. cge na nga ung face hehe three physical things you don't like about yourself: 1. legs 2.tummy 3. hair three parts of your heritage: 1. filipino 2. spanish 3. japanese?? owwwssss three things that scare you: 1. death 2. being alone 3. pain three of your everyday essentials: 1. my shoes lol 2. my MD player 3. at saka Minute Maid Orange Juice three of your favorite musical artists: 1.Missy Elliot 2. The Killers 3.Coldplay three of your favorite songs: 1. vindicated 2. mr. brightside 3. northern star three things you want in a relationship: 1. love 2. trust (hindi ung condom ha?!) 3. humour three lies and truths in no particular order: lies: 1. love at first sight 2. i'm feeling okay 3. paris hilton is my best friend truth: 1. music kicks ass 2. i like pink =) 3. heartbroken three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you: 1. eyes 2. lips 3. body =) three of your favorite hobbies: 1. sound trip 2. going out with friends 3. blogging (?) three things you want to do really badly now: 1.go to madrid spain 2. go to the beach 3. shop =) three careers you're considering/you've considered: 1. chemist 2. a business tycoon 3. lawyer three places you want to go on vacation: 1. madrid 2. prague 3. tokyo baby!! three kid's names you like: 1. mikaila ezekielle 2. xyril 3. guenevre three things you want to do before you die: 1. bungee jumping 2. marry 3. get rich three ways that you are stereotypically a guy: 1. i think paris hilton is hot 2. i like vintage rock band t-shirts 3. i walk fast three ways that you are stereotypically a girl: 1. i love sappy movies 2. i love stilletos 3. my favourite colour is pink =) three celeb crushes: 1. takeshi kumagai 2.ryan gosling 3. orlando bloom sa babae: 1. tyra banks 2. kristin kreuk 3. naima mora =)

Vindicate Me...

2005-07-19T03:16:00.000-12:00

Status: 11 days before my birthday. Currently in the lowest point of my life... *sigh* So this is how being heartbroken feels... I woke up from a trance that threw me out of a beautiful dream. A dream that I have gotten to get used to. It captivated me, allured me and assured me that I could stay there forever. It promised me a life of romance plus a person that will hold my hand and keep me from falling. But a loud awful bang snapped me back to reality. As painful as it is, I had to conform. It banished the paradise I was so used to. It made me realize the vagueness and weakness of the dreamland. As much as I want to cry over our failed relationship, I just couldn't. As much as I wanna grieve losing you to another girl, my heart disagrees. Indeed, it is too painful, but too much pain nonetheless dulls the senses. If you ask me if I still love you... I would not know what to answer. I hate hurting people but I'm just human. It is never my intention to hurt you but only to tell the truth. And the truth is... part of me wants you back, but the other half says I'm better off without you. So here I am... alone in a dark corridor, curled up into a ball. You don't have to attend to my needs because we are not in paradise anymore. We are no longer like Adam and Eve. This is already reality. We still live miles apart but the bridge that used to connect us to each other is unraveling... getting torn each time we try to revisit it... My heart is bruised... but I am pretty sure I will live.

2005-07-14T14:36:00.000-12:00

Okay... As of today, there's only 17 days left before I enter the world of adulthood. Yep, by the end of this month I will be legal and free to do anything grown up my heat fancies. I am neither thrilled nor appalled by this thought because this situation will have its own set of advantages and disadvantages and it will just be up to me whether I would strive to make it work for me...not against me. Gone are those days where I can say "What do you expect...I am kid" alibi but at the same time, as you enter maturity you gain more credibility. So which is better? Escape or Merit? Hmmm... On a lighter note. I have a list of things to do before this month ends:

buy a new watch
get my license
buy a new laptop
more clothes for school
get my ears pierced again
watch the suicide club
overcome shoe addiction syndrome

Nothing too drastic really. Except for the part that I have to pierce my ears... and the shoe addiction thing. Yadda yadda... But I guess I won't be able to overcome that certain addiction of mine because I am not ready to do so... =P

creative writing deficiency

2005-07-13T14:30:00.000-12:00

Ugh... I look with envy at those people who creatively express themselves in their own blogs. I get intimidated by their insightful posts and admire their two cents worth on whatever topic they choose to discuss. Their mind-boggling opinions really make me ask myself this question: "Where are those days when I used to write like that?" It seems really odd that a former newspaper correspondent like me can not write anything insightful at all. Writer's block? No not really... I know writer's block when it happens. Writer's block for me occurs when I know all about the topic but I just can't put it in words. The thing is... I just don't know what the heck I should write about?!? Two hours ago I have emailed an old friend.. and this is what I had to say about my blog: "Wala na nga akong maisulat eh... Tigang na yata ako sa Creative juice!." It's such a pity because writing used to be my passion, my escape. But have I really lost my talent? When I think of it, I guess so... Well after that discouraging 68% in my English exam, who wouldn't? But still... I used to write poems and prose whatever the time limit is. Hmmm.... let's see... what if I write one now... ... err... See what I mean? What is happening to me?

2005-07-10T17:59:00.000-12:00

Your Kissing Purity Score: 63% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

...word .

The Freshman Child

2005-07-10T17:52:00.000-12:00

The freshman child,soft and coy, Silently stares at the sophomore boy. The sophomore boy, his head is in a whirl, Just to get a glance of the junior girl. The junior girl in her sleek black Sedan, Looks admiringly at the senior man. The senior man both dashing and wild, Is secretly in love with the freshman child.

welcome to my new home...

2005-07-08T08:59:00.000-12:00

I have been trying to search for ze purrrfect blogging site. I have accounts everywhere... from xanga to pitas, to livejournal heck even friendster. I haven't tried out blogger yet. If it proved to be a site worthy of my praise then I'll stay but if it's a pain in the *ss like the others then I might as well stick to my paper and pen. Yep, today is July 8th. I would like to clear the speculations by saying yep my birthday is in *counts fingers* three weeks or 23 days to be exact. I am turning 18... I am not really thrilled but whatever. I am just planning a small trip to Wonderland with my friends and none of that debut nonsense. It's nonsense because a.)not much time to prepare, b.)no money to fund such extravagance and c.)fricken overrated and useless. I am trying to be optimistic about it...really. I am shocked that you don't think it's obvious. I am planning to make this first post of mine to be pretty long so it would look good on my newly skinned blog (Big ups to blogskins.com by the way) unless my lame ass computer starts to act sh!tty again and I would have to retype everything and being the impatient person that I am, have no patience not even the time to perform the same act twice, not to mention I have to crack my skull open just to remember what I have type just 10 minutes ago. Three days ago I went to UTM with Lelaine and Bernice. We attended the orientation and got our T-cards. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's now official. I am now a University of Toronto student as prescribed by legal document(s) aka my new T-card, which I absolutely look horrific in. I am not so proud about the ID picture because aside from the fact that I look like a raccoon, the picture is sooo red that it actually looks worse now... and guess what? That will be my proof of identification for the next four years. Speaking of proof of identification. I need to go get my license. Damn it!!! My time table for the incoming school year aint the best one for commuters because I have classes that go on until 6.00 pm. Crap. I need a car. I can't take 3 buses just to get home especially if it's winter!!! Pfftt... my stomach's growling. Methinks I just have to continue this rambling after breakfast. [edit] I am back. I just finished cleaning the house ( all two levels of it. Holy Sh!t), the doing the laundry and now I am cooking lunch while I type this thing. I am supposed to go shopping with a friend todasy but yeah , I am very much needed here at home... yadda yadda yadda... Do you really need to read about my fricken boring and domesticated summer life? Oh well it's all up to you... I 'll try to make it as interesting as I could as soon as my keyboard would behave as a nice and normal keyboard should. gaaah... no patience for this...it's like chasing a rat...